COUNTING MY LOSSES...

I really have experienced so many losses and disappointments in my life..I choose not to have or accept anymore...The losses I lived through, have round off my corners and taught me to roll...even up hill now!! Because of the things I have experienced in my life, they have taught me not to expect much of anything. That way when something good happens I can celebrate it and appreciate it so much more than if I expect something and then it doesn't happen...I then have set myself up for the disappointment. My joy comes when God allows it and gives it...I accept it, appreciate it, am thankful for it...and receive it!! I count it all as joy, when it comes!!...This always keep a smile instead of a frown of disappointment. Most people expect certain things from others. We try to control the way people act, or don't act....A control issue is probably the first thing a person needs to pray to get rid of...It brings nothing but unexpected disappointment from people, places and all things!!!..No doubt this is the reason I remember many things...I probably expected them a certain way and they played out a way I didn't expect or desire. Thus, it brought lots of disappointment. That now is over, in the past!! I remember the time, when I was about six years old or so. My parents were talking about taking a train to Lancaster. They shared with all of us, their plans to do so...We were going to visit some relatives and while they talked my hopes became very high...I had never been on a train. I instantly started to pack and tried on my favorite dress to wear. I had my mother put my hair up in pin curls. We were going to leave in the morning...I was ready!!! I was expecting big things, a train trip to Lancaster. A trip, I had never been on a trip...not one like this...I let my imagination run with me!! My passion exploded inside my heart!!...Excited we all went to bed early. We were going to leave the next day...In the morning, for some reason, I woke up and found everyone still sleeping. I got up, got dressed in my favorite striped, dark blue and white taffeta dress. It had a little paper rose at the waist...and a frilly little underskirt!!...All dressed and packed I woke my Mom and Dad up...and announced I was ready to go...My mother informed me..."We decided not to go"...WHAT!!! NOT GO!!! Who decided this...I was so angry I just went ballistic...Screaming and yelling, I had a complete melt down and stamped and screamed with a temper bigger than sky!! I informed them I was going by myself then..(of course I couldn't) but my disappointment was so great it turned into rage...A terrible rage. An uncontrollable fit of temper brought on by being let down!!!...I don't remember exactly what happened but no doubt I got my fanny warmed and I probably went back to bed and cried my self to sleep!!!...I remember what that felt like. I remember how damaging it is to try to make things happen. I have learned after so many years, I am in control of nothing. Nothing in my life, other than my choices ...With prayer and my depending on what and where God takes me...I trust my choices are his...So now, I don't expect..I just accept!! ...and that always brings a comfort to know, I AM NOT THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! HE IS!! and I am now never disappointed!!!....I learned to trust and obey!!